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charlax 71, Male, Arizona, USA - 744 entries

Mar 2011
10:05 AM

ici

lost her won her got her here ici

Tags: ici

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codekadiya 41, Male, Australia - 57 entries

Mar 2011
6:01 PM

im gonna stop writing from this for a little while and got a good journal website. so gonna write it from there. thats also comes to the inbox. which is called Ohlife. so its good. anyway sorry.com for this website. thats how the life goes. clients tend to go for the best option when they receive a good website. anyway going to work in a little while.

Tags: ç¾Žå›½æŠ•èµ„

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1 comment(s) - 03:18 AM - 04/12/2011

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codekadiya 41, Male, Australia - 57 entries

Mar 2011
9:58 PM

nothing much. went to the church in the mroning. then went to the market. watched the match yesturday. going to sleep in a while. couldnt sleep last night. was so happy with the performance of our team.

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sierriea101 26, Female, Alaska, USA - 3 entries

Mar 2011
8:26 PM

i wuld....

i think i i wuld go out n get a job as a fashion desighner

Tags: my future

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codekadiya 41, Male, Australia - 57 entries

Mar 2011
6:01 PM

nothing much. going to work in a little while. iPad is just 729. wish i can buy it. if i collect at least 300 each for fortnight i can get it with in another month. i hope then the price get more lower. anyway lets see.

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charlax 71, Male, Arizona, USA - 744 entries

Mar 2011
10:07 AM

ici

kill kill for thirty five minutes eye seemed to be in the twilight zone doing five minutes worth of posting feeling oppressed of the devil hurting in trouble fighting for control my laptop over heating the industrial block is in FireFox now the window dropped down when eye tried to tweet the 666 in full control of eye sent the tweet to the government the whole thing seems to be the set up entrapment to the yuppies squares they will put them into the round holes eye feel like eye been wrestling with the devil he is winning on the question of Divinity why be divided on this question is this Devil or God there is no reason to be Atheist why go the negative when you could live forever. Do you see just why its good to just believe just Imagine this Mister Atheist suppose you were right eye will be there right beside you in your night forever asleep with you no more problems now. But just suppose we both get up Me yelling Jesus you crying NO this is not happening. Bound with ropes from Angels trembling hands then lowered into the Lake of Fire with Brimestone then. YOu not eye. Eye believed. Just in case it happens to be covered with his Blood. Eye place my Faith above your ignorance of God. See you there someday. lost in thought the ending of this poem is escaping me. why knot love is such the hard reality. kill

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sierriea101 26, Female, Alaska, USA - 3 entries

Mar 2011
3:16 AM EDT

My life gets worse n worse first my bro gets taken by a beeeeep and then my nephew n sis hav to go to virgina its just not fair all who read this any advice???:(

Tags: coooooonfused, saaaaaaaaad

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codekadiya 41, Male, Australia - 57 entries

Mar 2011
6:49 PM

everything back to normal. yesturday was a dream. gosh i hope that dream wont come again. Thanks to jesus for being there with me and i know im wrong. i know im too tempered person. but how can i get rid of it. is it who i am. i tried so much to change from that but errr i dont know. anyway going to work in a while.

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jroberts1941 82, Male, Kentucky, USA - 50 entries

Mar 2011
9:07 AM

I'm going to MAKE it a good day. I have that choice.

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auxilary25 41, Female, California, USA - 32 entries

Mar 2011
12:52 PM CDT

O Dear

I’ve done the unthinkable. I’ve become someone I don’t recognize and I’m scared of what I’m realizing. Perhaps all along the problem was me. Maybe my relationships failed because of me. Maybe I was cheated on because I didn’t appreciate the person I was with. Maybe my hidden commitment phobia pushed the people that love me the most to the edge. All this time I cried tears that I provoked. I expected to be loved by people that maybe I didn’t truly love, just for the sake of being loved. I kept people close so that I wouldn’t be alone, my backups. All the while I was incomplete, but better that then empty. If I think love doesn’t exist it’s not because I’ve never truly been loved but because I’ve only loved one person who is now dead. It’s horrific realizing I’m the monster. I’m the disease that has poisoned the people that loved me. I was the curse. It hurts when it ends because I wasn’t loved, because I wasn’t enough to be fought for, because I was unmasked.
Sex, never understood why women write in articles how once you are done with meaningless sex you want to get out of there, pretend it never happened, cry. Yesterday it happened. While I was kissing him, while we worked our way up to the point of no return, I kept telling myself “No! Stop.” BUT I kept going. I felt alive; it was a rush, a blank state of mind, peace, desire, etc. I didn’t stop him, I didn’t push him away even when deep down inside I knew this was wrong. He wanted to be held, and I did, but it was to help hide the tears that I was desperately trying to hold back. How can this feel so good yet so wrong? I’m single! I wish it wasn’t with him yet I’m glad it was. I wished it was someone that isn’t here. The one my heart belongs to right now. The one that was my best friend but is barely that because I pushed him away. The one that deserves better than me. I wanted to call him but I can’t because he’s in Aghan. So many years, why didn’t I realize how much he meant to be BEFORE he left??? Why didn’t we embrace the opportunity when it was here? Did I really push him away or did he realize he didn’t want me after he said too much? Was it a moment thing and now he regrets it and doesn’t want to break my heart? What do I even feel? I know I miss him, there’s not 1 day that I don’t think about him. I want him to be happy. I want my phone to beep with a message from him. I want him to hold me. I want him to tell me he loves me, that I’m the one for him. I want to be sitting in front of him watching him blush and smile at me while we are having dinner. I want to tell him everything because he’s the one person (Alive) that I can tell anything to without being judged. Is this normal? How can I possibly feel this when we haven’t even kissed? Am I making this up, in love with the idea of love? Or was I in denial all along? I was always jealous when he spoke to girls romantically but I’d get over it because I never in a million years thought we could be together. How could it be? We live far, what if he realizes he doesn’t love me after I’ve fallen madly in love with him? What if karma gets me back? This is why I push him away, because what if the one person I love doesn’t love me back? I wish he’d push down every wall I put up. Just show up at my door, tells me he loves me, take my breath and heart away. That’s my dream. If it’s not him, I’ll eventually find the one that will put an effort to break down my walls and love me. Or the one I won’t put walls with. God I wish he was here, hopefully soon. Hopefully we’ll at least stay friends, hopefully more. 7 more months, less than a year, it’ll fly and he’ll be home. He’ll come back to me, I hope.
�� I can’t undo what I’ve done. I can’t erase what happened yesterday. I’m just saying let it be. Allow life and my heart to guide me. He knows my heart is in Afghan & he thinks he has leverage because he’s in Miami, but he doesn’t. I don’t need “XX” here to think of him, to want him to love him. I will think of him no matter where he is and until I hear the words “we can only be friends” I won’t open my heart to anyone else…or I fall in love without noticing. My heart is saved for him. Always has been. I just wished I would’ve realized earlier. I had from Kindergarten till now but well, this must be the best timing for us. Maybe I think I feel something I don’t. Maybe when he gets back, one kiss will seal the deal to our future.
�

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